he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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