Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
