You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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