New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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