I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
