This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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