Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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