You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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