he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
