So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you win again, gameday.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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