Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think my vagina is haunted
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
