There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
