Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
