the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
