I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
nutella sex= disaster
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
