nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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