were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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