i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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