just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
