I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
