He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
