i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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