She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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