YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
