So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
