this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
