She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
