walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize