I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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