I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
