So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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