The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
