do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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