The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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