I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
