remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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