Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
