One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
