I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
