i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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