it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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