Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
