Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
