Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
