do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
