matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
