I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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