Non-Jews are for practice
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
