Define "chronic" masturbator.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
