I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
