i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
