it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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