So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
