I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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