Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
