Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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