be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
