Me too!
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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