apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
