I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
