Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
