I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
