i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
