Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
