Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
