And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
