My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
