respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
