i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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