I just cut my nipple shaving
this beer tastes like vomit already
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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