Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
