Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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